Talking about money with your partner, family, or friends can feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable, but let’s face it… money makes the world go ’round. It’s something we all have to manage, no matter how much we’d rather avoid the topic. It can be worthwhile getting loved one’s advice, as they may know a lot more than you on a particular money-related topic! 

 As New Zealanders, we have a strange relationship with money – we’re almost too humble and money somehow falls under the umbrella of taboo topics. We don’t like to brag about ourselves or share how well we’re doing, whether that be in our job, our investments, or our financial position.  

 Whether you’re discussing how to divvy up household bills, save for a family vacation, or finally tackle that mountain of debt, money conversations are key to building a healthier relationship—with both your loved ones and with your bank account. It also doesn’t have to be a tense or uncomfortable conversation. In fact, with the right approach, talking about money can actually bring you closer together. 

Why Talking About Money Is SO Hard 

 Before we dive in, let’s address the elephant in the room: why is talking about money so hard? For many of us, money feels too personal. Maybe you grew up in a household where it was taboo to discuss finances, or perhaps you’re worried about being judged for past financial mistakes. 

 But avoiding the topic only creates bigger problems. A lack of communication around money is one of the leading causes of stress in relationships—whether that’s with a partner, your kids, or even your parents. Plus, without a shared understanding of your financial situation, it’s nearly impossible to work toward common goals. 

 Think of it this way: if money is a journey, then talking about it is like planning the road trip. Do you want to wander aimlessly in circles, or do you want a clear map of where you’re heading? 

 Here’s a step-by-step guide to turning financial discussions into a team-building activity (instead of a verbal UFC match). 

Talking About Money Guide 

 Step 01: Pick the Right Time and Place 

 First things first: don’t start this conversation while you’re halfway through your second glass of wine, or when you’re already grumpy because your partner overspent on eating out.  

 Timing is everything. Choose a moment when everyone is calm, relaxed, and relatively distraction-free. 

 Make it a judgment-free zone. Let everyone know this isn’t about pointing fingers or filing a personal grievance – it’s about working together to create a better future. If you’re feeling nervous, break the ice with a little humor:  

• “I promise this won’t be as bad as your last dentist appointment.” 

• “Let’s figure out how to make our money work harder so we don’t have to!” 

• Or my personal favourite (with a little help from The Barefoot Investor) “let’s sit down this Friday night with some garlic bread and wine and go over our finances.” – Finance date night! 

Step 02: Start With Transparency 

 Honesty really is the best policy when it comes to money. Be upfront about your income, expenses, debts, and goals—and encourage your partner or family to do the same. This might feel vulnerable at first, but it’s a crucial step in building trust. 

 Pro tip: don’t assume everyone’s financial habits are the same as yours. Some people are savers, while others are natural spenders – it can be as simple as finding middle ground sometimes and not forgo all habits.  

 Understanding where everyone is coming from can help you avoid unnecessary friction. 

For younger family members, keep it simple. Teach kids about money in a way they can understand—like explaining why saving for a new video game takes time, or showing them how budgeting works with their allowance. 

Step 03:  Use a Seek-To-Understand Mindset 

 Nothing can cause a heated discussion as quick as talking about money. It’s easy to turn blaming and name calling when frustration and fear take over. To avoid pointing fingers and cutting your talk short because someone has stormed off, use a seek-to-understand mindset. 

 Don’t assume you understand the other person’s view or emotions when it comes to money and their ability to make wise financial decisions. Ask open ended questions (wh-questions like what, when, who, where, etc) to encourage the other person to talk openly about their thoughts and feelings. 

Here are a few basic questions to take turns answering with your partner or family members to better understand each other’s relationship with money: 

1. If money wasn’t a limitation and you didn’t have to work, what would you do?
2. What money decisions or habits do you have that you think are strengths or that you’re good at?
3. What’s one thing you wish you could change when it comes to your relationship with money?
4. How would you like to feel when it comes to dealing with money?