In Part 01 of this series, we explored how to create a safe space, start financial conversations from a place of understanding, and how your unique money personalities can shape the way you approach spending and saving.
Now, let’s dive deeper into how the words you choose and the way you communicate can either spark conflict or bring you closer. Plus, we’ll talk about how to create your shared vision of a “rich life” and why regular money check-ins can completely transform your relationship.
Words Matter: How to Talk About Money Without Fighting
Talking about money can be uncomfortable—especially if one partner feels anxious about the conversation. The words you use can either light a fuse or create calm.
Yes, you can still be direct while being respectful and kind. It’s not about “pandering,” it’s about building trust and connection while tackling challenges together.
Here are some powerful ways to shift your money conversations:
1. Reframe Money Talks as a Team Effort
Instead of you vs. me, think us vs. the challenge.
❌ “You always spend too much on eating out.”
✅ “I’d love for us to find a way to enjoy going out while also growing our savings. What do you think?”
2. Use Neutral, Non-Blaming Language
Replace “you” statements with “I” or “we” to reduce defensiveness.
❌ “You never tell me when you make big purchases!”
✅ “I feel more secure when we check in about major expenses. Can we set some guidelines together?”
3. Get Curious, Not Defensive
When emotions run high, ask questions to understand instead of reacting.
❌ “You’re so irresponsible with money!”
✅ “I’ve noticed we spend money in different ways—what feels most important to you?”
4. Connect to Shared Goals
Frame conversations around what you both want, instead of focusing on what you can’t have.
❌ “We can’t afford a trip because you keep spending.”
✅ “We both love to travel—how can we adjust our spending to make that happen?”
5. Manage Your Own Emotions and Timing
If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to pause.
❌ “You always blame me! I’m done with this!”
✅ “I’m feeling really overwhelmed. Can we take a break and revisit this later?”
Just remember to schedule a time to come back to the conversation—don’t leave it hanging indefinitely.
Create Your “Rich Life” Vision
Your rich life isn’t just about numbers—it’s about what truly matters to you both. Having a shared vision gives your financial decisions purpose and helps you navigate tough choices as a team.
Here are some examples of what a rich life might look like:
- Building your dream home where you can host family dinners and always be prepared for unexpected repairs.
- Sending your kids to a school you love without financial stress.
- Travelling together—whether that’s a big holiday each year or spontaneous weekend getaways.
- Working less, living more—like taking Friday mornings off to walk the dog and focusing on meaningful projects.
- Being debt-free with savings to care for loved ones and weather life’s surprises.
- Retiring early to enjoy long mornings and grand adventures without money worries.
Your vision is personal. It can combine different dreams—and even include backup plans for life’s what-ifs.
What if you don’t fully agree on your rich life? Start with common ground and build from there. Maybe you both value financial freedom in retirement or taking family holidays, even if your spending habits differ now. Compromise, get creative, and have fun with it. The plan doesn’t need to feel “realistic” right away—first, get honest about what you both truly want.
When disagreements come up, ask: Does this decision move us closer to our vision? Or further away?
Monthly Money Check-Ins: Your Secret Superpower
Don’t wait until things go wrong to talk about money. Having monthly check-ins helps you:
- Keep conversations calm, not crisis-driven.
- Build positive associations around financial talks.
- Stay aligned and motivated as a team.
What to Discuss:
Progress toward your rich life vision
- Are we making steps toward our goals?
- Should we break big goals into smaller, more manageable ones?
- Does our vision still reflect what we both want?
The Numbers
- Where are we at financially?
- Do we need to adjust anything?
- Can we look at these numbers without blame or panic?
Personal Contributions
- What have I done to move us forward?
- What would I like to improve next month?
When you focus on what each person is working toward, it naturally reduces blame and encourages teamwork.
Choose One Area to Improve
Pick one small, achievable action each month. You’re more likely to follow through when you choose your own goals instead of being told what to change.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you’re stuck or struggling to reach your goals, getting support from a financial advisor, money coach, or relationship counsellor can help create a step-by-step plan that works for you both. Sometimes, having a guide makes all the difference.
Getting Started
If you’re new to this, start small. Pick just one thing to focus on from this series:
- Creating a Safe Space
- Building Understanding
- Exploring Money Personalities
- Advanced Communication Strategies
- Defining Your Rich Life Vision
- Monthly Check-Ins
Trying to change everything at once is overwhelming. Small, steady changes are the key to long-term success.
This guest post was written by Gemma Watson. Gemma is a Relationship Coach and Certified SWITCH Coach who specialises in strengthening communication skills to create deeper connections. Email: gemmawatsoncoaching@gmail.com, Instagram: gemmawats0n_
